Whoopsie-daisy!

Aug 19, 2023

woman doing yoga — I’m not doing the Boat Pose for a while. (Photo by Vishal Bhutani on Unsplash)

An absurd little accident. My lounge chair collapsed as I was trying to sit on it - boom, right at the base of the spine. So much for that vital yogic energy I’d kept stored and circulating in the kundalini root. All released in one zap. Never mind, it’s not that bad, just a bruise (I think).

For fun (and a bit of media study) I took some headlines from a variety of today’s sources and transposed them to my unfortunate incident. I can tell you that what happened was nothing as bad as the shocking news headlines suggest. Seeing these clickbait messages all together writes me into a narrative of danger and stupidity far more distressing than the event itself.

When relaxation turns dangerous
She can’t play victim: should have checked it first
Sudden collapse leaves woman struggling
5 things you’re doing wrong in quest for relaxed reading
She thought she was immortal: the rise and fall of the back of the chair
Exclusive: Carol Sill tells all about her brush with danger

Did I make up these headlines? Well, the answer may surprise you! My morning Apple News scroll of various publications and magazines has more than enough for me to adapt to this purpose.

Does lounge chair collapse lead to base-of-spine recalibration?
What to watch out for when setting out to read on a hot summer afternoon
Smashes more than heat records!
Not just a lawn lounger, it could be deadly

From now on I’ll be more careful with the lounge chair, making sure it’s locked into position before I sit on it. But I’ll be even more careful as I mindlessly scan the news. I’d thought that these reputable news sources were better than a social media wild west free for all. Not exactly.

Science reveals the roots of mechanical failure
We don’t need a new lounge chair
My week with a bruised coccyx
7 nutritionist-backed tips on healing
Here’s why Carol’s fall interfered with sitting

Back in the 20th century, a newspaper or magazine had visual cues, pull quotes, and other text to entice a reader, so the headline didn’t need to hit as low. The old adage “if it bleeds it leads” applied, but it related to the news story itself, not the reader or viewer! The hit was softened, you could still sort of think about it, even if it traded on danger and stupidity. I recall learning that, in the news, a Grade 8 reading level was considered high, while Grade 4 reading level was considered average. Today’s reading level is post-literate, as if it were for the 2 year-old who can tap a toy, or a dog with communication buttons. (Now if it were pre-literate, then we’d be in the ancient mind, something much more articulate.)

How five new ideas bring comfort to the spine
Why are some people so bad at setting up lawn furniture?
Government to 'prioritize' lounge chair regulation, outlines plans for voluntary code of conduct
8 clever products that rectify 4 common lawn chair mistakes, according to the experts

Today, a soft headline doesn’t rate a tap. Don’t be fooled by the content, the medium has changed and it changes us. When news is aggregated into one scroll, too much too fast bypasses any internal moderation gates of rational thinking. This punch below the belt hits those places the mind rarely goes, down where aliens dream of reptiles. Hot key words make a firestorm of worry and fear. We feel like we need to know more, do more, be better. So we click to discover how, why, where, to avert the danger, worry, fear, and distress.

This Harvard scientist thinks mysterious chair fails could be linked to alien probes
What you never knew about the base of the spine
“Absolutely out of the blue”
Things making your relaxing deck feel cluttered and uncomfortable

Even though the online news medium is a hot mess, there is more than one good reason to keep in touch with it from a variety of sources. Behind these headlines are articles that reveal painful realities. Just now: “Yellowknife, other Northwest Territories towns ordered to evacuate due to wildfire threat.” Yes, you read it right: an ENTIRE CITY is evacuated in this summer of red skies. In that context, my flattened lawn chair means nothing - just a blip, a summer whoopsie-daisy.

My conclusion on the news front: It is ultimately up to me to place my attention exactly where it should belong, using my reason to develop understanding of the situations, learn to respond with compassion and awareness, and to drive action as a natural outcome of knowing what is going on. My conclusion on the lounge chair incident: I’ll get over it.

“Leaping from the ground of science, flying from the point of sense.”

*My collage, Look at This, created in the early 2000s*

I rise into a play of knowing, where the planets are just great marbles in the game played by bigger deities with nothing at stake except the joy of play.

If they smash into one another, everyone roars backward in laughter. If anyone wins, they get to take home a moon. It’s all a greater gamble you see, part of how we fritter away our diminishing inheritance.

Is there any great virtue in the joy of play if worlds are smashed or accidentally burned by abandoned cigars? What of it? On with the play, the next and the next. Is it sport? Or some universal principle in significant colours?

We sigh as the contralto on stage gasps a false death song, and we laugh as the dancer breaks her fall with a pre-rehearsed leap upward.

I, too, break my fall with leaping upwards.

I, too, only die on the false stage, rigged up to look like life.

This game is set, the players are all beyond me - no matter if they ignore my SOS tapping and refuse my hand-delivered telegrams.

I still sit at the table, just to observe, and the king with his royal flush is the first to fold. Well, look at that! The 2s and 3s hold the pot of gold.

Under her star, Nile floods once again. The game turns more serious.

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